S3 E121 Late-Diagnosed AuDHD: Masking, Trauma, & Finally Finding Your Authentic Self with Ellie Capstick
Growing Tall Poppies Podcast: Season 03, Episode 121
What happens when you spend most of your life believing there is something wrong with you — only to discover that your brain simply works differently?
In this episode of Growing Tall Poppies, Dr Nat Green sits down with Ellie Capstick, AuDHD educator, podcast host and founder of Ellie AuDHD, for a raw, funny and deeply honest conversation about late-diagnosed neurodivergence, trauma, masking, identity and the extraordinary relief that can come from finally understanding yourself.
For much of her life, Ellie felt different. Long before she understood that she was both autistic and ADHD — commonly described as AuDHD— she had accumulated other labels: too much, lazy, strange, obsessive, difficult. Like many late-diagnosed neurodivergent adults, particularly women, she became skilled at adapting herself to the people and environments around her.
But when you spend years learning how to fit in, an important question can eventually emerge:
Who are you underneath all the masks?
Ellie shares candidly about growing up with childhood trauma, navigating relationships without strong boundaries, using alcohol and substances to cope socially, raising neurodivergent children before she understood her own neurodivergence, and the grief and relief that followed diagnosis.
She also explains AuDHD in her wonderfully irreverent way — describing her ADHD and autism as two very different characters trying to coexist inside the same brain — and explores why understanding neurodivergence isn't about putting someone into a box. Sometimes the right label can finally replace all the painful ones a person has carried for years.
We also explore the complicated intersection between trauma and neurodivergence. While trauma does not cause ADHD or autism, trauma responses and neurodivergent traits can sometimes overlap, particularly when it comes to masking, people-pleasing, self-esteem and the ways we learn to survive socially.
Ellie also shares an important message for parents raising neurodivergent children: rather than teaching children to hide the things that make them different, we can help them understand their own brains, build confidence and develop a toolbox that actually works for them.
Today, Ellie has created a rapidly growing community where tens of thousands of neurodivergent people can ask questions, share experiences and discover that perhaps they were never as alone — or as “wrong” — as they once believed.
And when Dr Nat asks what her younger self would think of the woman she has become, Ellie offers perhaps the most powerful reflection of the entire conversation:
“I found my authentic self, and I love her, and I’ve never loved me before.”
In this episode, we explore:
What AuDHD means and what it can feel like to live with both autism and ADHD
The relief, grief and validation that can accompany a late ADHD or autism diagnosis
Why neurodivergent people may spend years believing there is something “wrong” with them
Neurodivergent masking and what can happen when you've adapted for so long that you no longer know what you genuinely like or want
The intersection — and important distinction — between trauma and neurodivergence
People-pleasing, boundaries, relationships and vulnerability
Why Ellie doesn't necessarily describe neurodivergence as a “superpower”
Raising and empowering neurodivergent children
Why understanding your neurotype can provide a completely different toolbox for navigating life
Finding community, belonging and your authentic identity after years of feeling different
Why it is never too late to understand yourself differently
This is a conversation about far more than ADHD and autism. It's about what can happen when the story you've carried about yourself for decades finally begins to change — and you discover that understanding who you are can be the beginning of becoming more fully yourself.
About Ellie Capstick
Ellie Capstick is an AuDHD educator, podcast host and founder of Ellie AuDHD. Through lived experience, practical education and refreshingly honest conversations, she helps neurodivergent people better understand themselves and feel less alone.
She is also the host of the AuDHD and Then Some podcast, where she explores ADHD, autism, trauma, burnout, masking, relationships and the realities of living as a late-diagnosed neurodivergent adult.
Ellie has built a rapidly growing online community of tens of thousands of people, creating an inclusive space for neurodivergent adults and families to connect, learn and find the kind of understanding she wished she had growing up.
Connect with Ellie
One link for everything: https://www.ellie.com
If this episode resonates with you, then I'd love for you to hit SUBSCRIBE so you can keep updated with each new episode as soon as it's released, and we'd be most grateful if you would give us a RATING as well. You can also find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/drnatgreen/ or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/DrNatalieGreen
Intro and Outro music: Inspired Ambient by Playsound.
Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be deemed or treated as psychological treatment or to replace the need for psychological treatment.
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